Not Ready to Back Down
by SimplyAMemory
Summary: Lilly's life is spiraling out of control. Her mom’s in the hospital, her dad’s oddly unsupportive lately, and she's unprepared for her exams. Lilly's determined to take control of something, no matter what the concequences.
1. Chapter 1

1**Title: Not Ready To Back Down**

**Summary: Lily's life is spiraling out of control. Her mom's in the hospital, her dad's chosen there are better things than his family, and she is totally unprepared for her mid-terms. Now, Lily's determined to take control of something...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hannah Montana or any of its characters.**

**Wow, it sure has been a long time since I've written a story. I guess there isn't really much to say except for I hope you like it and please review!**

"Sweetheart, everything is going to turn out ok. I'll be fine." I nodded. Paramedics lifted my mother's stretcher up onto the back of their ambulance and pushed it in. One, a tall, muscular man, swung close the doors before slipping a large metal board through a few loops to secure it. He turned his head and smiled at me. I let a slight grin slip across my face, but it quickly faded. The man turned around and stomped his feet toward the front of the vehicle. She door slammed shut. The engine rumbled. They took off. All I could do was watch as they drove further away, taking my mom with them.

Cancer is probably the scariest word in the English dictionary; aside from assassination and death, that is. Sad part is, I can't say those words were totally uncalled for or anything. Because the truth of the matter is, those words are commonly related to each other in one horrific way or another. I would know. My grandpa died of lung cancer about half a year ago, not to long before school started. I didn't get to say goodbye.

Luckily, we had all moved on in about a month or so. Unfortunately, that terrible six-letter word would come up again in a short two months, this time coming from my mother. In only a week, she started khemo therapy and radiation. And in four months, she was admitted to the hospital a third time. That day was today.

So, here I was. Standing on my front porch I was holding back tears. My eyes stung, inside and out. My cheeks were burning, and the space in front of me began to blur. My hand reached for the doorknob, turned it, and pulled. I let my feet take control as the carried me inside and landed my entire body in front of the couch. Then I simply plopped down.

_Riiing_. I jumped. _Riiing._ After letting out a deep breath, I reached over onto the coffee table and gripped the telephone into my hand. I lifted it to my ear. "Hello?"

Silence. I waited.

"Hello?" I tried again. There was a click and a voice came on. I didn't recognize it, but I listened anyway. But it was useless, because the voice was a telemarketer trying to sell me a car. Or give me a loan. Something like that. Regardless, I said, "I'm not interested in your shit." Then I promptly hung up. Yes, I'll admit that was rude, but it's not like I cared. They could get over it. I'm sure they've heard worse.

I can remember lying to my mom about having my homework finished. I'd lie to my teachers and tell them my mom needed me to help her around the house, so I didn't have enough time. I'd lie to my mom (again) when my grades started to slip by telling her my teachers sucked and I never learned anything. At dinner, I'd say I was full. I'd say I was going to my room to study. I'd actually get on the internet and chat with Miley until around midnight. If she wasn't on, I would go out and surf, just to burn off some steam.

So basically, the truth never came out of my mouth. Somebody would ask me, "Have you seen that new movie?"

I'd say, "Yup," and continue on with my day. It was a breeze. Almost like it never happened. But it did. And I left a person thinking I had seen the best movie all year, when in reality I couldn't even afford to buy a ticket (my dad had only been working part time, so I was expected to pay my own way). And it's not like I'd want to. The smell of popcorn and candy would strangle me and I'd end up leaving anyway.

Something caught my eye. A book was open in front of me. Then it hit me that I had been studying for my algebra test an hour ago. Mid terms were coming up, and it felt like my mind was a ticking time bomb, just waiting to go off. School sucked, and I wasn't about to waist my afternoon working on something for it at home. In my opinion, home is for relaxing when you are stressed out over schoolwork, not for killing you with more.

Everybody seemed to be turning away from me lately. My teachers wouldn't listen, my mom (though she couldn't help it) was leaving me with everything work and house care related, and Miley was simply no help at all when it came to studying. My dad's hadn't even been living in the same house as me lately. He had always been out with his friends, or on a "business trip." My mom seemed perfectly fine with it all. Yet unlike my mom, I wasn't about to buy any of his lies. When mom was gone, he was always out longer and came home drunker. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out he was having an affair. Or two. Maybe three, but that's beyond the point. So I didn't blame my mom when she decided to let him go.

My hand slammed the book closed and forcefully slide it across the table, letting it crash into the remote which slid off and its batteries flopped onto the hardwood. A smile crept across my face.

I've discovered the three most important words you could have in your vocabulary; acceptance, determination, and love. My mother taught me I had to accept the faults in life, be determined to put the pieces back together, and love the people who helped me do it. So, I do. But it's not exactly as easy as it sounds. Sometimes, you don't care if everything is flushed down the toilet, or if your feet bleed under the sharp edges of your broken dreams. Yet loving is still pretty simple.

I guess my mom had left knowing I would be able to survive by myself for a while. Yet being all by myself got pretty lonesome sometimes.

All of my friends were lucky enough to have siblings. Being an only child was extremely boring, especially when you were grounded for sneaking out all of the time to catch some waves. I'd watch TV, read a book, watch TV, read a book, and then go to bed. Repeat. Repeat again. And again. I rest my case.

_It's down to this,  
__I've got to make this life make sense…_

**Please review and let me know what you thought. ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"So, anything interesting going on at school right now?" my dad asked me. We were going for a short drive around town. Ever since he moved out, we did this about three times a week. To be completely honest, I hated it. All he did was ask me about my day, ask about my grades, and then we'd talk about how I need to do more work around the house.

It took me a few seconds to reply. I had to be careful about what I said to anybody but myself. "Not really. Dance tryouts are on Monday. But I can't do the splits, and it's one of the requirements." My mind flashed me to a mental image of the requirements list. You didn't actually have to do all of these things. It was just their way of getting fewer girls to try out so the better girls who are actually committed can be taken into consideration.

My dad took in a deep breath and replied. "Now Lily, why would you try out if you know you aren't going to make the team?" Of course, he wasn't about to show any support in my decision to do something I wouldn't normally do. He could have asked me about anything else, but no.

I sighed and looked out the window, rubbing my sleeved wrist against the seat's edge. "It's not actually something I have to do. Girls who couldn't do the splits have made the team before."

"See, you have to watch the way you word things. You were making it sound as if you had to be able to do the splits to make the team, but it's just one of those things they really want you to be able to do. If it wasn't me you were saying this to, they would have probably taken you as a person who didn't know what they were talking about. In society today, you have to watch what you say, or it may come back at you. I can recall a time when I was interviewing for…" and on he went.

I wondered what my mom was doing right now. She could be watching television, chatting with a nurse, sleeping, getting some tests run, or anything else for that matter. What I hated the most about this whole thing was not knowing what was happening, or even what was going to happen for that matter. Not being in control sucked.

My dad was looking at me, almost like he was trying to will words out of my mouth. He had apparently been talking to me, maybe even asked me a question. I just nodded. We were driving past the nice part of town, where people like Amber and Ashley lived. People like me lived elsewhere, down by the fast-food restaurants and outlet malls. Hopefully we were on our way back home. That would be nice. "You know dad, everything isn't always about your performance. Sometimes, you have to pay attention to the person behind the dance pants and shiny shirts who know how to do the splits."

"Well you're probably one of the few people in the world who believe that, so I wouldn't go around with that in mind. You probably won't get very far." I guess I wasn't ever going to get through to him.

We were getting closer to my part of the universe, and I wouldn't stand being in this car any more. "Oh, dad, can you let me out here? I need to pick up an assignment from my friend. She lived down the road from here." The best impersonation of a smile I could do slid across my face and I lightly batted my eyelashes.

He nodded and pulled to a stop beside the curb. The door's clicked and I reached for the handle. "Bye," my dad said. I kept going before turning around and smiling. Then I slammed the door shut. Without looking back I started walking toward a random house until my dad's car was out of sight. Then, I started jogging toward my sub-division. My jog turned into a run. Then my run transformed into a sprint, which actually felt nice. Pain scraped through my body, which was from stretching. Determination was key to making the team, especially when I wasn't exactly getting any outer support.

After a while, I was getting a rush. My mind escaped from the outside world and I felt as if I could run forever. This was good, considering it was at least another mile until I reached my front door. Maybe this little outing would get me in a little better shape. Miley hadn't really gotten any "womanly curves" or anything yet, so I felt like a total outcast. It was almost getting to the point where we couldn't wear each other's clothes.

Adrenaline was rushing through my body. I felt like I was going fifty miles an hour, because I wasn't even able to keep track of the creases in the sidewalk anymore. I considered slowing down, but that could result in getting tired, which wouldn't be too good. So I kept going, and thought about what I still had to do when I got home. My first exam, math, was tomorrow, so that was a study must. My English reading assignment wasn't going to do itself. Then I had to do laundry and clean up the living room. My body picked up pace.

Soon enough, I was jogging up my driveway. Once I reached the steps, I was walking, and out of breath. My legs were aching and a massive headache was taking over. My hands were shaking as I reached for the front door and turned the knob. Then I was standing in the living room, beside the kitchen. A note was sitting on the fridge, a recipe from my Aunt Libby. She lived down the road from us and was making sure I had everything I needed while my mom was gone.

My back was resting against the front door, and I laid my head back to join it. After taking a deep breath, I took a step forward. Then I took another. Once I reached the bottom of the staircase, my feet stopped, and one lifted up onto the first step, then the other. My feet carried me all of the way to the top. Then I was in the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. I scuffed at my reflection before looking around, as if looking to see if the coast was clear. And it was. Nobody was home, remember? I didn't even bother closing the door. Once again I moved, this time over to the tub. My hand reached down and picked up the razor sitting beside my ocean breeze soap. Very carefully, I lifted the safety cap away from the blades. They shined.

_I hate my life._ A tingled arced through my body, especially my arm. The razor was now resting against my wrist. _Nothing is right. Everything sucks._ My eyes were shut as I pressed down and pulled to the right. My right eye opened just enough to see a line of blood follow the blades' trail across my skin. The red line spread across my hand, and a drop landed on the white tile below me. A tear ran out of my eye, and joined my blood on the floor. My hand trembled, and I lost grip on the razor. It landed on the floor with a quiet tap.

Confused, I ran toward the sink and turned the water on cold. My wrist was stinging, my heart was racing, and the blood was flowing. I had expected a since of relief, but all I got was a miserable pain all over my body. I slipped my arm under the faucet and attempter to rinse it off, but it took quite a while for the blood to stop, and even longer to cease the pain. As soon as my wound was simply a scar, I walked into the living room and sat down in front of my book. As I was adjusting my feet, I felt something cold. It was a battery. Beside it was the remote.

Concentrating on studying wasn't exactly easy at this point. I wondered exactly how long this torture was going to last. I flopped my head gently onto the back of the couch and let out a long, exasperating sigh. It was then I noticed my ceiling was white. Sadly, this had never hit me before. But then again, what other color would you paint a ceiling? Purple or blue would look awfully tacky compared to our bayou shade walls. Yet it's not like that was my decision. My grandma was the one who originally designed this house.

I let my eyes roll back down to my work as my head lifted up. But just as I was getting back into the swing of things, my pocket began to vibrate. This took my by surprise, and I jumped when Best of Both Worlds started blasting into the air. I pulled out my cell phone and flipped it open, not taking the time to see who it was.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lily, what's up?" It was Miley.

"Oh, not much is going on around here," I replied, fingering my wrist. "I've just been studying. How about you? I heard Jake was coming back into town this weekend."

Miley laughed. "_You_ are studying? Wow, I never thought I'd hear that. And as for me, I'm just sitting here on the computer, looking through some fan mail. And yeah, Jake's coming back for a quick visit on Friday night. This movie is taking a little longer than he had expected, but he should be back full time within about two more weeks."

"That's good. Um, my mom's back in the hospital. But it's nothing serious."

"Oh my goodness, really?" I nodded, but then realized she couldn't see me. "Lily, I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do, just let me know."

I sighed. Just because my mom was sick didn't mean I was a walking charity event. "Thanks Miley. So, how are you doing on studying? Are you ready for the first test tomorrow?"

"Not really, but oh well. I'm doing really well in math, so it shouldn't be too bad if I fail." I opened my mouth to debate, but then decided against it. For some reason, my mind wasn't in the mood to argue right now. Luckily, Miley continued without my help. "I'm trying not to worry about homework right now. My dance choreographer says I'm to tense, and I should try to relieve some of my stress so that I look a little more natural when I'm dancing."

I scratched my ear and exhaled. "Cool. Have you got any big plans with Jake this weekend?"

"He said we could grab a bite to eat or something. We're trying not to take it to fast, or whatever."

"I see." I could vaguely here Miley's dad calling her downstairs for dinner.

"Oh, I've got to go. See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

"Bye." Miley hung up before I did. I listened to the beep that followed for a few seconds before putting my phone on the coffee table. Then I directed my attention toward the pile of words beside me and fell back against the couch once again, picking at my scar.

_I've got to make this life make sense… _

**Wow, I'm in the writing mood. In fact, I might just write the entire thing tonight… (Doubt it). But, uh, thanks for my two reviewers and I hope I get a few more this time. I really am putting a lot into this story. So please review!**_  
_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

A loud tweeting sound erupted into my ears, and my eyes shot open to uncalled-for brightness. At first I just rubbed my eyes and stretched, but then I switched to panic mode. I quickly lifted my body from the couch and looked around for the clock. When I found it, I thought my eyes were surely deceiving me. It was eight in the morning! I had missed the bus! And there was no way I could walk to school and get there before the tardy bell rang.

I came to a conclusion. As I thought it over, I got out of bed and ran up into my bedroom. Ok, so if my test isn't until second period, then I didn't have to get there until a little before nine. If I kept up the pace, I would be able to arrive at school right around the time I needed to in order to take the exam. So, I pulled out a long sleeved blue, striped shirt and slipped it on.

"Hey Lilly, what's with the long sleeves? It's almost eighty degrees outside." I turned around to see Oliver standing behind me. He was smiling, but looked dazzled.

I took a few more seconds to catch my breath. "Oh, I was running a little late this morning, and I wasn't paying much attention to what I was doing. I guess I stayed up too late studying or something." Oliver nodded, and I turned back to my locker. Reaching for a book, I gasped as my sleeve slid away from my hand. I quickly pulled it down into my hand and grasped it tight.

"So, how did you do on that test last period?" Oliver asked.

Digging through my messy locker, I responded. "I bombed it. Apparently, studying makes you amazingly stupid, because that's all I've been doing for the past few days. Somehow, I managed to make a flat fifty! How the hell is that possible? Idiots make bad grades, not smart people who dedicated half of their life to school! I bet if I didn't pay a bit of attention to what was..."

"Lilly, you need to chill out, ok? You're under enough pressure right now, and I'm sure that worrying about your grades isn't helping at all." Oliver sighed. "And I mean, it's really no big deal. I'm sure you did better than some of the kids in your class."

"But I did worse than most of them," I huffed. "Look Oliver, I appreciate the effort, I really do, but it's really not helping." Oliver watched as I slammed my locker shut and turn to him. "And who ever said I'm under pressure? I'm fine, and anyone that tells you otherwise is just looking for something to talk about." Oliver shook his head and let out a long breath. "I've got to go."

Destination: Home. I wasn't about the spend the rest of the day letting Miley and Oliver feel sorry for me. Besides, they didn't have anything to be sorry about. I was perfectly fine, aside from my failing grades, dying mom, and empty house. Sounds pretty normal to me. Nothing important, right? Be a world enslaved by superficially and shallowness and just look the other way. Please.

Before I had the chance to actually leave the building, a hand grabbed my upper arm. I jumped, and quickly flipped around to see our secretary, Mrs. Bart, standing before me. "And just where do you suppose you're going? Classes are that way." She pointed in the other direction. "Come with me. I think a visit with the principle is in order."

How come adults just assumed things like that? She never even gave me a chance to explain how I had "left my English paper outside, and I was just going to get it." Then I'd just happen to realize I had left it at home, and on my way forgot where my home was. Then, after finding my paper I would decided I needed some final touches and type them up. But no. All I got was a pout on my face and a hand on my shoulder.

"Mr. Phillips, I believe this young lady has some explaining to do. I caught her walking toward the front entrance without permission." I really hated this lady.

The principle nodded and waved me over. Mrs. Bart left and closed the door behind her. "Is this true, Mrs. Truscott?" I nodded, gripping the bottom of the chair I was sitting in. "Where you planning on leaving?" Another nod. "Why were you going to leave?"

I couldn't exactly answer this one by nodding, but I couldn't tell him it was to get away from my friends either. "I didn't feel like going to my next period." This was partly true. "And my homework for that class was at home," I mumbled.

He nodded. "Well, I'm afraid skipping school has a punishment. An attempt to leave deserves at least two days suspension."

My jaw dropped. "What?" I snapped. "I didn't even leave! How do you know I was really going to leave? You weren't even there! And Mrs. Bart didn't even let me say anything. How is she supposed to know I didn't have permission!?" My heart was pounding. This was the stupidest thing I had ever head in my life. Why in the world would the suspend somebody that quickly? It didn't make any sense!

"Lilly, no teacher is allowed to dismiss their students without recognition from one of us or a parent. And young lady, I can let you off for at least one more day for arguing with me about this. What I said goes, and I say you're gone." I didn't say anything this time. "Who can I call to come pick you up? Is your mother or father at home?" I shook my head. "Well then where are they? I'm sure you aren't living alone."

"My mom is at the hospital and my dad's out on business. Yes, I am alone."

He sighed. "Well then who can I call to come pick you up? You obviously can't stay here." I crossed my arms and told him he could call Miley's dad. He was pretty much my only option. "Alright. Sit tight while I go find his number. No funny business, alright?" I rolled my eyes. Yeah, I just got suspended so now I'm going to set the office on fire. Because that just makes perfect sense. People are so stupid.

_Can anyone tell what I've done...?_

**Thanks for the awsome reviews guys! And I'm really sorry about the wait. I know this chapter wasn't that good, and it was kind of short, but it's kind of setting up for what's to come. And I felt like I needed to update. So, please review to at least let me know you're reading it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The car ride with Miley's dad Wasn't too bad, but there was an awful uncomfortable silence. But when we got back to the house, I was in for it. "How could you do this? I don't see how you think you'd be able to get away with leaving school, and I really can't figure out what made you think you could possibly get away without getting punishment.What were you thinking Lilly?"

I shrugged and replied flatly, "I don't guess I was thinking at all."

"Damn right you weren't. Now go up to Miley's room and think about what you did. And you might want to get usedto those four walls because they're all your going to be seeing for a while. Your mother has agreed to let you stay here until she can come home." I had never seen this side of Mr. Stewart before. It felt weird.

My body sagged as I lifted it from the couch and onto the support of my feet. I could feel a cold stare on my back as I carried myself over to the stairs and began to climb. By the time I had reached the top, I realized for the first time that there were a total of ten steps on her staircase. Wow, the little things you don't ever pay attention to are really boring.

For some reason, Miley's room felt different. Memories of this room are usually consisting of two things; fun and laughter. From sleepover to sleepover, it was always a different movie, different board game--always something brand new that only the "people with money" could by. Unfortunately, I have never been one of those people. Nope, that was always Miss Hannah Montana, teen pop sensation. But the sensation part really belonged to her. She had everything.

Well, I guess she had everything except for Oliver. Not that I had him either, but that's not the point. The point is that it wasn't a secret she liked him. And it was a huge secret that I liked him. A secret meant for my ears and mind only.

But no. There's something I'm leaving out; it wasn't a secret he liked her either. Miley had perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect body, and the best clothes ever. Her perfectness and his perfectness went hand in hand (but his perfectness would complete me). Why they aren't going out still baffles me 'till this very day.

-----

I guess I ended up sleeping until about the time Miley got home, because when my eyes opened she was sitting at her desk with an English book open. Not wanting to announce I was awake or anything, I simply rattled around on the bed for a moment. Nothing. So I cleared my throat a few times. She turned around as I was rubbing my eyes. "Good morning," she said.

A smile slipped from cheek to cheek. "What time is it?" Miley shrugged and shook the computer mouse until the monitor came to life. She looked over at the time.

"It is four o'clock. What time did you go to sleep?" Miley asked, turning back around.

"Honestly, I have no earthly idea. I can't even remember falling asleep." Miley nodded. Apparently, she wasn't going to say anything else. It was up to me, now. "What are you working on?" I swung my legs off the edge of the bed and slowly lifted up my body to go see what she was doing.

Now, I was standing behind her. "Just some English."

"Did your dad tell you what happened?" I asked. Miley nodded. "Are you mad at me?"

"No. Not really. Kind of." She paused. I waited. Be breathed. Our breath mixed together in the air. Miley's eyebrow twitched. My foot was tapping; I stopped it. Then, I was out of little things to distract me. So, I looked down again to make sure Miley was still alive. She was, and her mouth opened. "I'm more of disappointed in you really."

Neither of us said anything for the next thirty minutes or so. She worked on whatever it was she was doing for English, and I sat back down on the bed and thought about how dissapointed I was in myself. My life sucked, and I had to go make it worse by skipping school, which I never even technically did. I failed my test. I cut my wrist. I missed the bus. And to top it off, I was living somewhere other than my home for a length of time nobody could be sure of.

"Dinner!" Mr. Stewart called. "Lily, you stay."

Miley sighed. "I guess I'm bringing you your dinner tonight." She didn't look at me before leaving the room. I listened to her feet skip along the ten steps before landing on her hardwood floor. Her dad mumbled something and up the stairs she went again, this time returning with a plate of food for me. "Here you go."

"Thanks." She turned back around and closed the door behind her. This sucked. The food smelled delicious, though. I stood up and walked over to the desk. On my way, I passed a body mirror. I sat down my plate of food and walked over to get a glimpse of myself, which soon turned into a long stare. Then, a look of disgust appeared on my face. Something didn't look right. I think I gained weight.

My eyes shifted from my dinner to my reflection, and neither were agreeing with each other. Suddenly, I wasn't hungry, and I shoved aside any thoughts telling me otherwise. Yet, I still wondered what to do with my full plate of food. I'm sure Mr. Stewart would appreciate if I ate _something_. But... that wasn't going to happen.

Now was the matter of figuring out how to get rid of the food. I couldn't throw it in the trash, because I think beans and pasta would look a little suspicious mixed in with paper and gum wrappers. And if I left in anywhere in Miley's room she would smell it in about an hour and if she didn't, the ants would have taken over before she could do anything about it. Maybe I could just not eat it and see what they say. It's not like they're going to throw me out a window because I wasnt hungry.

I sat back on Mileys bed and opened her Girl's Life magazine. My stomach tightened, and I tried to relax it, but the pain didn't go away. My stomach was now a resemblance of my life--stressed and yearning for the time before everything changed.

_I miss the life..._

**Thank you for the reviews! I'm not sure when I'll have to next chapter up, but I promise it won't be too terribly ****long from now. So thanks for reading and please review!! ) **

**-Sarah**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The clock read nine-thirty, but that just didn't seem right. Had I really been sitting here for two and a half hours doing nothing? Miley was just getting out of the shower and had just been in here a moment ago to grab her night shirt and some shorts. As for me, Miley's bedspread was the only thing I had seen since about seven or so. Surprisingly, I wished I had some homework to do or something. But, seeing as I was suspended, that wasn't going to be happening any time soon.

Out of nowhere, Miley opened the door. I was so startled I almost leaped off the bed onto the floor, and let out a deep breath when I saw her laughing. "Ok, so not funny." Miley shook her head with a smile and came inside. She hung her towel on the closet doorknob and motioned for me to stand up. "Oh, sorry. I guess you want your bed back."

"Yeah, that would be nice." Miley walked over to her desk to hang up her towel, but stopped to look at me when she noticed my full plate of food still sitting there. "Um, were you not hungry or something?" I shrugged, and Miley did the same before walking towards her bed.

I stood up and walked out of the room, listening to the creaking of Miley's bed as she climbed in. After quietly closing the door, I headed over to the bathroom. Once inside, I searched for her face wash and grabbed a hair tie. I fastened my hair in a ponytail and grabbed the bottle it was in.

Mr. Stewart came around the corner and looked at me. He looked to the left before returning his focus on me, and said, "Oh, you're in here. Ok." Then he left. I guess he was expecting Miley, to tell her goodnight or something. But no, it was just me. Boring old Lilly Truscott who wishes she could be at home, in her bed, by herself with nobody to pass her by in the hall and be disappointed to see it's not someone else.

After scrubbing and rinsing my face, I slipped on a pair of Miley's red and white striped pajama pants, taking off my jacket but keeping my white tank top on. Then, I stepped on the scale. Much to my despair, it read 114. I can remember three years ago, when my little body weighed only about 85 pounds. It's pretty amazing how a person can go from 6 to 114 pounds in only 14 years. But, I mean, whatever.

The house was surprisingly cold, as I sat there in barefoot on the bathroom tile in front of the mirror. My hair looked like it was getting a little greasy, considering I hadn't washed it since yesterday night. But I was going to wait until tomorrow until I got a shower. I was tired.

A bed had been made for me on the couch; just a pillow and blanket. I could barely see it, seeing as the only light on was coming from the kitchen, above the stove. Other than that it was quiet and dark. It felt kind of like a fancy prison or something crazy like that. I wondered if they made those as I sat down. If they did, I guess people like Paris Hilton or Hannah Montana would go there. Not me.

I guess as of now all I had to worry about was getting to sleep. Maybe tomorrow would be better.

-----

I think it was around eight o'clock when I woke up the next morning. I didn't even remember falling asleep. Nobody was in the living room. My stomach was rumbling. Thankfully, the kitchen was only a few steps away. But then I caught myself and decided not to get up after all.

"Hey Lilly," Mr. Stewart greeted as he came down the stairs. "Did you sleep alright?" I turned around and nodded, yawning. He walked into the kitchen and pointed his fork to a pile of pancakes. "Are you hungry? We've got plenty left."

The offer sounded so good, but I had to deny. "No thanks."

He shrugged and piled a few onto his plate. I watched as he drizzled his breakfast in syrup, and cut a big chunk out of it with his fork. He stuck it in his mouth and chewed pleasurably before grabbing the plate and heading back upstairs. I laid my head back down on the pillow, and let out a deep breath as the cold pillow cooled my face got cooler. Soon the right side of my head was warm again, and I flipped over to the other side of the pillow.

"Bye Lilly," Miley said as she ran for the door, grabbing her bag on the way. I heard her greet Oliver right before the door closed behind her. I sighed and wished there was another cool spot on the pillow I could turn to.

-----

It isn't until you are actually away from school, and not sick or asleep, that you realize there is absolutely nothing good on television during the day. By about 10:00, Dora the Explorer had put me to sleep. And then she haunted my dream. I could have sworn that Robbie saying, "Lilly, do you want some lunch," was Dora saying, "Do you see the banana tree?"

I swore from that point on that I wasn't going to watch any more TV for the rest of the day. "Do you want me to make you a sandwich or something?" Robbie offered. "We've got peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese, and grilled cheese. It's your pick."

"Actually," I yawned. "I'm not really hungry."

Robbie put the top piece of bread on his sandwich and looked over at me. "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't eaten anything all day." I nodded. "Well ok," he sighed. "You know where the kitchen is if you change your mind." He picked up his plate and carried it over to the table where he sat down. "If you need something to do, Miley's got some laundry she needs to have put up."

Apparently, this was his way of telling me to do chores. So I stood up from the couch and walked back into the laundry room, picking up Miley's basket of clothes and marching up to her room.

Not knowing what went where, I just stuck her Hannah outfits somewhere in the Hannah Closet, and put the rest of her stuff wherever it fit. I think I might have ended up putting some underwear in with the shirts, but oh well. It's not like she'll never find it.

Now that the laundry was done, and I was alone, I could finally have a little bit of "me time." I reached over to Miley's radio and flipped the switch. Then, I sat down on the floor and lay on my back, putting my hands behind my head. _One, two, three, four,_ I counted, curling my body into a sit-up each time.

I wasn't sure what song was playing, but it had a catchy beat, so I decided not to change the station. _Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three;_ only 77 more to go.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I swung back the shower curtain and reached my hand over to pick up the towel on the counter before wrapping it around my body. I stepped out of the shower and around my clothes, which were aimlessly scattered on the floor. My feet carried me onto to the scale, but I didn't look at it. All I did was stare at the mirror, and watch as my reflection stared back at me in disgust. Then my head tilted down and read the scale. 113.

Robbie knocked on the door. "I'm going to the store," he told me. "I'll be back in about an hour,"

I quickly stepped off of the scale and onto the bathroom floor. "Um, alright." I slipped my clothes on and stepped out of hall toward Miley's room. Hopefully she'd have something clean I could wear.

Searching through her drawers, all I could find was a loose pink shirt that had black palm trees and the word Florida written in white across it. For pants, I slipped on a pair of white sweat pants with Cheerleader written on the butt in pink. I picked out a bundle of chunky bracelets to cover up my scar.

I couldn't believe how hungry I was. By this point, my stomach was spinning a dryer. If it treats my stomach anything like it does my clothes, I'll be tiny in no time. That is, if I can possibly deal with these hunger pains. Maybe just a little snack wouldn't hurt. I started down the stairs toward the kitchen.

Reaching for the pantry door, I stopped. No, I haven't starved for three days just to ruin it in a minute of gluttony. I scanned the shelves for something light, like some crackers or cereal. No such luck. What do these people eat around here? Maybe they'll have something in the fridge. I know, I'll get an apple. I don't think they have many calories. Luckily, there was a brand new bag or apples sitting right in front of me when I swung open the fridge door.

My mind went crazy. I could feel myself start to build up saliva in my mouth as I rinsed it off in the sink and took off the stem. Then, I ripped out a big chunk of it with my teeth. Oh my god, it tasted so good. I wonder exactly how many calories apples have. I took another bite; then another. Before I knew it, all I was holding was an apple core. But I was still hungry.

My hand searched into the cookie jar, and I pulled one out to shove into my mouth. Then I grabbed another and shoved it in as well. I reached for another, but froze. My hand began to tremble as I realized what I had done. I had ruined it; maybe.

As fast as I could, I ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I ran over to the tub and turned it all of the way on hot before heading over to the sink. I filled my hands with water and gulped it all down my throat. Then, I bent down onto my knees.

"Lilly?" I heard someone call. "Lilly, are you up there?" It was Miley.

I bolted up off the ground and reached over to turn off the shower. Then, I dried my hands off and as she called my name again. "Uh, yeah, I'm up here," I responded, opening the door to find her on the top step.

"Did I hear the water running?" Miley asked, walking over to me.

Flipping off the bathroom light, I answered, "Um, no, I was just, uh... washing my hands; in the sink." Miley looked confused, but nodded and walked into her room. I decided to trail behind.

I peaked around the corner in to see her standing in front of her mirror, pinching and poking at her sides and stomach. She sighed and laid her book bag beside the desk. I slowly crept forward. "I know you're there Lilly," Miley laughed. I jumped and walked into her room.

"What were you doing in front of the mirror?" I asked.

Miley was pulling a few papers out of her bag and putting them on her desk. "I was just guessing how much I weighed. We're talking about nutrition and stuff like that in health, so I'm kinda thinking about trying to eat better."

"Oh, ok. That's cool." Miley nodded and slipped her flip flops onto the floor beside her bed before looking back up at me.

"Do you want to maybe go jogging around the block later?" She asked. "You know, I read today that for every 30 minutes of vigorous running or exercise you do, you live two hours longer." I think she was trying to bribe me into it.

But I didn't need to be, seeing as this is exactly what I need. "Sure. In fact, why wait? Let's go now."

"But what about my homework?"

Who cares? "Just do it when you get back. Come on, we're burning daylight!"

"Fine," Miley laughed and grabbed a pair of socks and tennis shoes. "But I'll only go if you help me with my homework when we get back." I agreed, and ran downstairs to grab my shoes.

-----

Miley and I drug ourselves through the front door, panting like dogs. Her dad was standing in the kitchen over the stove when we got inside. "Where've you guys been," he asked.

"Oh, we just went for a jog," Miley replied. "So, what's for dinner?"

I walked over to the couch and sat down, while Miley went over to her dad. "We're having spaghetti, corn bread, and..."

"Salad?" Miley asked.

Robbie looked at her and smiled. "Sure, and salad."

**In case you are wondering, Miley does not have an eating disorder. She was telling the truth about the whole Health class thing. I just though I'd let you know because whenever I was rereading it, it sounded kind of suspicious to me. But if you didn't think that, then I just wasted my breath telling you that didn't I?**

**Oh, and thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews so far! I really appreciate it.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Thank goodness it's Friday. Seriously. Tomorrow was Saturday, which meant that the next day was Sunday, and I would be returning to school on Monday. So I guess that meant my suspension was officially over. Ugh.

"Hey Lilly." I swung around to see Miley coming down the stairs. "Could you help me pick out an outfit for the Hannah Concert tomorrow night?" The what? I thought tomorrow was movie night. "I just can't find anything to match my new shoes and I think I'll die if I don't get to wear them soon."

I replied shakily. "Um, yeah, sure." She guided me up the stairs and we both landed in the Hannah Closet.

Miley walked over to a few outfits she had laying on her chair. "I was thinking about the gold one, but I think it'll look kinda weird because of the heels. And then this one doesn't even begin to match my shoes, but it is just so cute, and I've only worn it once. Then there's this one, and I don't know what's wrong with it but..."

"What about this shirt, this skirt, and this jacket?" I offered, standing with an outfit she hadn't even considered in my hand.

Her eyes looked the clothing items from top to bottom and smiled. "It's perfect." I walked closer so she could take it from me. "How did you find this?" she asked.

"Um... I looked in the closet," I told her. Isn't that just a tiny bit obvious?

Miley was staring in amazement at her "perfect" outfit. "Alright, well, thanks. That's all I needed." I nodded and walked out of the closet and into the bedroom. Her room was clean, no thanks to her. I had cleaned it when I had nothing else to do. My eyes were gazing around when I heard a door open. I looked behind me, and Miley had on her outfit. "Does it look ok?" she asked.

"Yup," I replied, nodding.

"DINNER!"

Miley was putting her other clothes back on. "Let's go."

-----

"But then Amber hid behind Ashley and somehow managed to sneak off before anyone else saw," Miley said before taking another bit of her spaghetti. I twisted the noodles around in circles with my fork. "I so wish I would've had my camera out. Then I could've shown you." It was then that I realized she had been talking to me the entire time. Out of assumption I thought she was talking to her dad.

So I nodded and let out a smile, which probably looked fake, before staring at my food once again.

"Lilly, don't you like spaghetti?" I looked up at Robbie and nodded. "Are you sure? Because you haven't touched your food."

Actually I have touched it ...with my fork. "Sure I have." Miley and Robbie raised their eyebrows. "Home cooked meals are something that's I've really missed lately."

He was still unsure. "Then why is there still so much on your plate?"

I looked over at Miley, who was looking at me in hopes of an answer. So I quickly directed my attention back to my fork. "Um, I'm just not really hungry. May I be excused?" Mr. Stewart nodded and I scooted my chair back to stand up. My feet carried be over to the stairs. I could feel their eyes burning a hole in my back as I walked away. I was halfway up before stopping in my tracks. They were talking about me.

"Miley, is she ok?" Robbie asked.

My left eye was peeking around the corner at them. Miley shrugged. "I don't know. She's been acting really weird lately. Like earlier today she was in the bathroom, and I asked her if the shower was running. She told me she was washing her hands in the sink, but it sure didn't sound like the sink. So when she went downstairs to get her tennis shoes I went into the bathroom and the tub was wet. She lied to me, and I don't know why." Mr. Stewart nodded.

"Ok well, she's probably just stressed. You don't want to eat when you're stressed, right?" Miley nodded and took a bite out of her bread. "So I'm sure she'll be fine. But if you notice anything else I want you to let me know, alright?"

I shook my head and set by back up against the wall. They knew something wasn't right. I was being to obvious. UGH, why am I such an idiot? My hand wiped away the tears sliding down my cheeks and slid down the wall. My hands wrapped around my knees and I cried into Miley's sweat pants. This was so stupid. Why do I even care about this so much? It doesn't make any sense!

-----

Miley's showers usually last for about thirty minutes tops, so let's just say I have about twenty-five minutes alone in her room. She just walked out the door, so now was my chance to get on the computer—I was about to get serious with this diet.

The first website I found was actually exactly what I had been looking for. On the first page was a very helpful list of three things to increase weight loss.

**1. The 7-7 Rule**

Dinner must be eaten by 7:00 pm. After dinner, no food is to be consumed until 7:00 am at the earliest. This is basically the same as a 12-hour fast, meaning if you live by this rule for an entire year, you will have equivalently fasted for 6 months.

**2. The 3-hour Rule**

3 hours must pass between the last time you ate and the time you go to bed. This ensures that you are actively burning calories while the food is initially digesting, versus when you are sleeping, when metabolism slows and you burn fewer calories.

**3. The Double Weigh-In**

You must weigh yourself twice a day, minimum. Once at night before you go to bed or after your last bite of food is consumed, and once after using the bathroom in the morning but before any food is consumed. This is a more a self-esteem booster than anything else. You are always thinner in the morning. Also, it allows you to gauge how many calories you feel "safe" eating during the day and then judge at night how well you have done with that figure.

Sounds like a plan. I looked over at the clock; 17 more minutes. So, I flipped to page two. But that seemed a little intense for me... I mean after all, it's just a diet, right? Regardless, I continued to read, just in case.

Cold showers help you burn calories to stay warm. Water is your best friend. It fills you up and also keeps your skin looking good, not dry or yellow. Good hydration reduces hunger, and it's good for your skin. "Spend" your calories on healthy things such as protein and vegetables; why be thin and dead? Gum, coffee, and diet soda. Drink or chew constantly and you won't feel hungry. This may seem obvious, but it's difficult: don't constantly talk about food and/or your body.

The rest of the page went on about negative calorie foods and stuff like that. With only 10 minutes left, I decided it would be better just to stop searching in case Miley came in. Then, I heard the door open; too late.

As quickly as possible, I closed any browsers I had open and then turned to the door. But instead of Miley, I saw her dad. "Oh, hey Mr. Stuart," I greeted.

"Hey Lilly. Whatcha up to?" he asked, walking over to the computer.

"Well, actually, I was just, uh... just looking at something for Miley. But now I'm done, and... I can help her finish her homework." Ok, he so couldn't have bought that. Heck, I didn't buy it.

But to my surprise, he nodded and said something about needing to go help Jackson with something before walking away. That was a close one.

**Hope you liked it! Please review and let me know what you thought.**


	8. Chapter 8

1**Chapter 8**

"Yes sir. I'll catch an early morning flight and be there in time for the..." I sat and picked at my food as I listened to my dad as he talked on the phone in the kitchen. He had just come back from a "business trip," so the Stuarts thought I just had to go spend time with him while I could. It's not like we did much together, though. He spent all of his time concentrating on other things. Other things that were obviously more important than I was. "Thank you, sir," he said as he walked back into the dining room. He closed his cell phone and stuck it in his pocket before sitting down. I cut another piece off of my meat and slid it to the side.

We remained silent for a few minutes. But after a while, I couldn't stand it anymore and decided to say something. "May I be excused?"

My dad finished chewing while he lifted his head to look over at my plate. He swallowed. "Are you sure? You've hardly eaten anything." It's not like he cared. Chances are he was just saying that so he'd sound concerned. But he and I both knew that he wasn't.

I just nodded and set down my fork while I stood up. My stomach was doing that thing where you can tell it's about to rumble, because it feels like there is a huge bowling ball in there about to explode. So I hurried up the stairs, because if my dad heard the "explosion" then he would know that I obviously wasn't full. Once I was in my room, I closed the door. Then I went over the my bed and pulled out a grocery bag. We had gone to the store earlier today, and I told my dad that I would be needing a few snacks for a study group I was having over at Miley's house tonight. He didn't think a thing of it and just told me that there better not be any boys there.

But that wasn't the real reason I had gotten snacks. Nope. It was for me. All of it.

One by one, wrapper by wrapper, I opened every single candy bar and shoved it into my mouth. Then the chips. Then I drank an entire 1 liter bottle of coke before shoving everything back into the bag and put it under my bed.

Then I went across the hall and into the bathroom. My stomach was so full I thought I might explode. I went over to the sink to get some water before kneeling by the toilet. Without I second thought I shoved my fingers to the back of my throat and it all poured back out the same way it came in. Then I brushed my teeth, rinsed with mouthwash, and flossed before returning to my room to pack my things once again. Miley would be here in about an hour to pick me up and put me out of my misery. Thank goodness.

-----

I jumped when freezing cold water came pouring from the shower spout. My body started shaking, but I ignored it and reached for the soap to begin scrubbing. My fingertips glided across the top of the many goose bumps forming along my skin. Every hair on my body was sticking straight out. I quickly washed my hair and got out of the shower.

Before getting dressed I stepped on the scale. 109. An improvement, but not good enough. Why was this so hard? When I was seven I would be one weight one day, and five pounds lighter the next morning, and I didn't care. Now that I do, that doesn't happen anymore. I find it rather interesting how things work. Kind of like when you are bored you want something to do, but when you've got a full day, all you want to do is sit down and do nothing. We always want something other than what we have. We can never be satisfied.

**Sorry it was so short, I just liked how that sounded as the ending. I'm going to start working on the next chapter right this second so be ready for it soon. And review this chapter and tell me what you thought!**


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